We all come across various difficulties in our
lives. However, not all of us handle them as effectively as we should. As
strategies for getting through life’s problems are rarely formally learned, we
are constrained to use trial and error, sometimes leading to sub optimal
results.
Dealing effectively with our
difficulties and problems requires appropriate emotional control, acceptance of
realities, charting out a course of action, and finally taking preventive
measures to keep future problems at bay. Thus, arming ourselves with the right
intellectual, mental, and spiritual strategies to get through these phases can
help us achieve successful breakthroughs.
Let’s go over those steps in more
detail.
The Emotional Response
An emotional response to a
difficulty or calamity is normal and only human. However, emotions have to be
managed and channeled appropriately; else they can manifest negatively within
our personalities and affect our lives in general. Research, too, confirms that
emotionally-reactive individuals confronting even relatively minor challenges
in their lives are prone to increased physical problems and diseases.
One potential way people channel
their emotions is to act them out uncontrollably and irresponsibly. In such
situations, the prophet (peace be upon him) instructed us to exercise patience
and to maintain a composed demeanor instead. When his son Ibrahim was dying,
the prophet’s eyes filled with tears. Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Awf said, ‘Are you
weeping when you have forbidden us to weep?’ The Prophet said, ‘I do not forbid
weeping. What I have forbidden is two foolish and evil kinds of voices: voices
at times of entertainment and play and the flutes of Shaytaan,
and voices at times of calamity and scratching the face and rending the
garments and screaming.’” [Al-Tirmidhi, al-Bayhaqi in al-Sunan al-Kubra (4/69),
classed as hasan by al-Albaani].
In other cases, emotions are
channeled to fester, which then leads to the development of a victimized
mindset. You may not realize it, but believing that your life is a teary saga
may be the anchor weighing you down and preventing you from moving forward.
So, be
conscious of how you channel your emotions. You can temper them with positive
thinking and a strong faith. If you show any signs of having a victimized
mindset then you need to snap out of it and adopt a more positive and reality
based mindset instead. That can put you on the right path to get out of your
difficulties faster.
Trying to make sense of the
difficulties:
The divine decree: When facing difficulties, our weak faith can
sometimes drive us to question the fairness of it all. In this context, we
should remind ourselves that believing in al-Qadr (Allah’s
divine will and decree) is one of the pillars of Islamic
faith. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, it means belief in
(1) Allah, (2) Angels, (3) revealed Holy Books (Quran, Bible, Torah, etc.), (4)
His Messengers, (4) Day of Judgment, and (5) to believe in al-qadar (the divine
decree) both good and bad. Allah also says in the Quran, “No
calamity befalls on the earth or in your selves but it is inscribed in the Book
of Decrees (Al?Lawh Al?Mahfooz) before We bring it into existence. Verily, that
is easy for Allah.” [al-Hadeed 57:22].
As part of that belief, we should
therefore recognize that Allah does what He wills for reasons that are
only known to Him. Any attempt to comprehend with our limited minds His wisdom,
or to understand how our current situation fits in His overall plan can only
lead us to erroneous conclusions.
The “If-Only” Trap: Another trap that many of us fall into has to do
with using the “if-only” logic. Very often, our minds tell us that “if I could
have done such and such, then this wouldn’t have happened.” The prophet warned
us against falling into such satanic traps. In a hadith narrated by Abu
Hurayrah, the prophet remarked,
“…….If anything befalls you, do not
say ‘If only I had done (such and such), the such and such would have
happened,’ rather say: ‘Allah has decreed and what He wills He does,’ for ‘if
only’ opens the door to the work of the shaytaan.” Narrated by Muslim (2664).
We see another example of this
during the battle of Uhud when many Muslims died. This gave the hypocrites an
excuse to criticize the divine decree. But Allah refuted their claims by
stating (interpretation of the meaning): “Say: ‘Even if you had remained in
your homes, those for whom death was decreed would certainly have gone forth to
the place of their death’”. [Aal ‘Imraan 3:154].
This further goes to show that what
Allah decrees is inevitable. Any attempt to imagine a different
outcome based on different actions that we could have taken in the past will
only increase our frustrations. This belief is also a blessing because it
prevents us from returning to the past that can result in nothing but an added
emotional baggage.
In this context, many among us also
resort to blaming people, including those close to us. This blaming attitude in
turn nurtures a mindset where people (even within families) resist future
temptations to recommend anything or engage in an open dialogue. This not only
weakens communications amongst people but also causes irreparable rifts and a
loss of trust between them.
To summarize, accepting the divine decree
can help us in not only forgoing the past but to also win Allah’s pleasure.
Suppressing our urge to blame others by maintaining a positive mindset can help
us maintain healthy relationships and in also keeping good recommendations and
advice flowing.
Getting yourself out of trouble
Having accepted Allah’s decree, and
after getting over any emotional challenges, the next step involves taking the
right actions to get us out of our problems and difficulties. Actively engaging
our God gifted faculties to pull us out of such situations is not as common as
one may think. Thus, many a time we fail to achieve successful breakthroughs
because we either follow a haphazard approach to resolve our problems or give
up on our efforts too early in the process. This leads us to get stalled and
makes us regard situations as irresolvable, hoping and praying for miracles to
pull us out.
If you find yourself in such
situations, this may be the time to rethink your overall approach. You see,
most of us are accustomed to looking for “silver bullet” types of solutions.
However, such solutions aren’t that many and thus can’t be relied on to get you
out of your life’s challenges. Adopting a realistic but methodical approach
instead has a better chance of putting you closer to your desired outcomes.
This requires that you take time to
define the problems and difficulties that you face with increased clarity and
specificity. This is bound to yield better results because you will get clearer
about the outcomes that you desire. You will also be able to clearly delineate
the constituent tasks that potentially can put you closer to your desired solution.
Follow those tasks through to the end with perseverance and patience and you
may reduce the load of your problems.
On the spiritual front, we should
recognize that if Allah puts us through trials or punishes us because of our
sins, the decision is His. However, as highlighted in another post on this site, seeking forgiveness through
repentance (Istighfar) can help undo the damage of our sins. As
the prophet (peace be upon him) said: “whoever does a lot of
Istighfar, Allah will provide him a way out of each concern he has, and will
solve all his troubles, and will provide him with livelihood from sources that
were not known to him” (Narrated by Imam Ahmad, Sanad Sahih.)
Preventive measures:
Finally, although Allah’s decree is
ordained, there are things we can do beforehand to influence the outcome of our
efforts, and thus prevent problems from piling up. First, we should never
forget that Allah has provided us with a free will and associated faculties to
think and act. As the prophet had stated, while we should fully trust Allah, we
should tie our horse first – meaning we should use all our God-gifted faculties
and exercise the required due diligence.
Second, for cases in which we fumble
to choose between options, we should exercise the use of the Istikhara prayers. The text of the dua recited
in those prayers clearly reflects your plea to Allah to make the desired
decision work for you if it’s good for you, or to ward it off if it’s not. By
doing so, you consciously put your faith in Him to guide you. This will reduce
the likelihood of you ending up with a failed outcome and thus an added burden
for you to carry in the future.
Conclusion
To summarize, remember that effectively
channeling your emotions, letting go of a negative past, maximizing the use of
your God-gifted faculties, and above all a strong faith can help you attain the
wisdom that life demands from you to get through even the most difficult
challenges. Just ensure that you get serious about resisting the old attitudes
and inculcate a positive mindset to propel you forward.
— Source: The
Iqrasense.com
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