In the Name of Allâh, the Most
Beneficent, the Most Merciful
By: Sheikh Muhammad Naasirudden
al-Albaani
All praise is due to Allah, the
One who said in the clear verses of His Book:
"And among His Signs is
this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in
tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts):
Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect".[al-Room 30:21]
May the prayers and peace
of Allah be upon His Prophet Muhammad, the one who said in an authenticated
hadith : "Marry the loving and fertile, for I will compete with the other
Prophets with the number of my followers on the Day of Qiyama". [Ahmad and
at-Tabaarani with hasan isnaad. And declared saheeh from Anas by Ibn Hibbaan.
And it has witnesses which will be mentioned in Question 19]
After this opening: There are in
Islam, certain etiquettes upon anyone who marries and wishes to consummate his
marriage with his wife. Most Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in
Islamic worship, have either neglected or become totally ignorant of these
Islamic etiquettes.
Therefore, I decided to write
this beneficial treatise clearly explaining these issues on the occasion of
marriage of someone dear to me. I hope that it will be an aid to him and to
other believing brothers in carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers has
ordained on the authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed that by
pointing out certain issues important to every one who marries, and with which
many wives in particular have been tested.
I ask Allah Most High to bring
about some benefit from this treatise, and to accept this work solely for His
glorious countenance. Surely, He is the Righteous, the Merciful.
It should be known that there are
many etiquette in the area of marriage. All that I am concerned with here in
this quickly compiled work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the
Prophet Muhammad, that which is irreproachable from the standpoint of its chain
of narration and upon which no doubt can be cast in terms of its constructions
and meanings. In this way, whoever reads and follows this information will be
on a clearly established basis in religion, and will have full confidence in
the source and validity of his actions. I hope for him that Allah will put the
final seal of felicity on his life, in reward for beginning his married life
with the following of the sunnah, and to make for him among His slaves whose statement
He has described in the Qur'an saying:
And those who pray, "Our
Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes,
and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous."
[al-Furqaan 25:74]
The final disposition of things
is for those of pious practice, as the Lord of the Worlds said:
As to the Righteous, they shall
be amidst (cool) shades and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, -
all they desire. "Eat ye and drink ye to your heart's content: for that ye
worked (righteousness)." Thus do We certainly reward the Doers
of Good.
[al-Mursalaat 77:41-44]
The following then, are those
Etiquette:
1. Kindness toward your wife when
you wish to enter into her:
It is desirable, when one goes
into his wife on his wedding night, to show her kindness, such as presenting
her with something to drink, etc. This is found in the hadith narrated by
Asmaa' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said: "I beautified 'As'ishah for Allaah's
Messenger, then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to
her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it
to 'Aa'ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to
her: "Take from the hand of the Prophet." She then took it and drank
some. Then, the Prophet said to her, "Give some to your companion."
At that point, I said: "O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself and
drink, and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank some, and
then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness. Then, I began
rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot
from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some women who
were there with me: "Give them some." But, they said: "We don't
want it." (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said: "Do not combine
hunger and fibbing!" [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with
2 isnaads - one of which supports
the other, and it is supported...]"
2. Placing your hands on your
wife's head and praying for her:
The husband should, at the time
of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that, place his hand on
the front part of her head, mention the name of Allah Most High, and pray for
Allah's blessings. As in the statement of the Prophet: "When any of you
marries a woman ... he should hold her forelock, mention Allah Most High, and
pray for His blessings saying: "O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her
and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the
evil in her and the evil with which You have created her." {Allaahumma
innee as'aluka min khairiha wa khairi maa jabaltaha 'alaihi wa a'oodhubika min
sharriha wa sharri maa jabaltaha 'alaihi} [Aboo Dawood and others. Al-Bukhari
in "Af'aalul-'Ibaad", Aboo Dawood, Ibn Majah, al-Haakim, al-Baihaqee
and Aboo Ya'laa with hasan isnaad ...]
3. The praying of husband and
wife together
It is desirable for the husband
and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on their wedding night. This has been
narrated from the earliest generation of Muslims, as in the following 2
narrations:
• First: On the authority of Abu
Sa'eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said: "I got married while I was a slave. I
invited a number of the companions of the Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas'ood,
Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa. When the prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step
forward when the others said to him: 'No!' He said: 'Is it so?' And they said:
'Yes.' Then, I stepped forward and led the prayer though I was a slave
possessed. They taught me, saying: 'When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat.
Then, ask Allaah for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in
Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.'" [Ibn
Abi Shaibah and 'Abdur-Razzaaq]
• Second: On the authority of
Shaqeeq who said: "A man named Abu Hareez came and said: 'I have married a
young girl, and I am afraid that she will despise me.' 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ood
said to him: "Verily, closeness is from Allaah, and hatred is from
Shaitaan, who wishes to make despicable that which Allaah has allowed. So, when
your wife comes to you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.'" In another
version of the same story, "'Abdullah went on to say: 'And say: 'O Allah
give Your blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allaah join us
together as long as You join us in good, and split us apart if You send to us
that which is better.'" [Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabaraani and
'Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh].
4. What to say at the time of
making Love
When a Muslim man is about to
enter his wife, he should always say first:
Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa
ash-shaitaan, wa jannibbash-shaitaan maa razaqtanna
[In the name of Allah, O Allah,
keep us away from the devil, and keep the devil away from that which You may
grant us (ie. offspring).] About this, the Prophet said: "After that,
if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to
harm that child". [al-Bukharee][1]
FOOTNOTE:
1. [Some Scholars say that
children are disobedient to their parents usually because the parents
forget/forgot to say the above duaa before having sex. Ed. of Salaf-us-Salih
Page]
5. How he should come to her
It is allowed for a Muslim man to
enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he wishes - from behind or from
the front. About this Allah revealed the following verse:
"Your wives are a tilth unto
you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will" [al-Baqarah 2:223]
There are also various hadith on
this subject, of which I will give only 2:
(a). On the authority of Jaabir
who said: "The Jews used to say that if a man entered his wife in
the vagina but from behind, their child would be cross-eyed! Then
Allah revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach
your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223]. The Prophet said :
"From the front or the back, as long as it is in the vagina".
[Al-Bukharee and Muslim]
(b). On the authority of Ibn
'Abbaas who said: "The Ansaar, who had been polytheists, lived with the
Jews, who were people of the book. The former viewed the latter as being
superior to them in knowledge, and used to follow their example in many things.
The people of the book would only make love to their wives from the side, this
being the most modest way for the woman, and the Ansaar had followed their
example in that. These people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to
expose their women in an uncomely manner. They took pleasure in them from the
front, from the back, or laid out flat. When the Makkans came to al-Madeenah at
the time of the Hijrah, one of them married a woman from among the Ansaar, and
began doing that with her. She disapproved of it and told him: "We used
only to be approached from the side, so do that or stay away from me!"
This dispute became very serious until it reached the ears of the Prophet. So
Allah, revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you, so
approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] (ie. from the
front, the back, or laid out flat). What is meant here is the entry which
produces children." [Aboo Dawood, al-Haakim and others: Hasan isnaad and
is supported].
6. The Prohibition of Sodomy
It is forbidden for a Muslim man
to enter his wife in her anus. This is understood from the verse quoted above
(i.e. since a "planting ground" can only refer to a place where
something might grow), and from the narrations cited above. There are also
other hadith on the subject, among them:
• First: On the authority of Umm
Salama who said: "When the Muhajireen came to Ansaar at al-Madeenah, some
of them married women from the Ansaar. The women of the Muhajireen used to lie
on their faces (during intercourse), while the women of the Ansaar never did it
that way. Then, one of the men of the Muhajireen wanted his wife to do that.
She refused until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went to
the Prophet but was embarrassed to ask the question, adn so Umm Salama asked
him. Then the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth
unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223].
The Prophet> said: "No! (not any way you wish) Except in one opening!
(ie. the vagina)". [Ahmad, at-Tirmidhee and others : Saheeh]
• Second: On the authority of Ibn
'Abbaas who said: "'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab came to the Prophet and said: 'O
Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed!' The Prophet asked: 'And what has
destroyed you, O 'Umar?' 'Umar said: `I turned my mount around last night.' (An
expression which means he has sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the
vagina while mounting her from the rear.) The Prophet gave him no answer and
when the revelation came and the verse was revealed which says: "Your
wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye
will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet said: "From the front and
from the back, just beware of her anus and her menses". [an-Nasaa'ee in
"`Ishratun-Nisaa" with hasan isnaad, at-Tirmidhee and others].
• Third: On the authority of
Khuzaima ibn Thaabit who said: "A man asked the Prophet about entering
women in the rear, or the entering by a man of his wife in her rear, and the
Prohet answered: `Halaal (ie. permissible).' When the man turned to leave, the
Prophet called him or ordered for him to be called back and said : "What
did you say? In which of the 2 openings did you mean? If what you meant was
from her rear and in her vagina, then yes. But if what you meant was from her
rear and in her anus, then no. Verily Allaah is not ashamed of the truth - do
not enter your wives in their anuses!" [as-Shaafi, al-Baihaqi and others:
Saheehh]
• Fourth: "Allaah does not
look at one who comes to his wife in her anus". [an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan isnaad
and supported in "al-'Ishrah"; at-Tirmidhee and Ibn Hibbaan].
• Fifth: "Cursed are those
who come to their wives in their anuses." [Aboo Dawood, Ahmad and others
with hasan isnaad and is supported].
• Sixth: "Whoever has sexual
intercourse with a mentruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a
soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was
revealed to Muhammad. [Aboo Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].
7. Making Wudhuu' (ablution) between
2 acts with one's wife
When a Muslim man has had sexual
intercourse with his wife in the legal manner and then wishes to return another
time, he should first perform wudhuu', based on the statement of the Prophet :
"When one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to return another time,
let him perform wudhuu' between the 2 times (In another version, the same
wudhuu' which he performs for prayer) for verily, it will invigorate his
return."[Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah and others].
8. Bathing is preferable
Bathing, however, is preferable
to merely making wudhuu' in such situations. Abu Raafi' narrates: "That
the Prophet made the rounds of all his wives one night, bathing in the house of
each one. He (i.e. the narrator) asked the Prophet: "Couldn't you have
just bathed once (i.e. at the end)? The Prophet answered : "This way is
purer, cleaner and better". [Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan in
"al-'Ishrah", and others].
9. The
Bathing of Husband and Wife together
It is permissible for the husband
and wife to bath together in the same place even though he sees her private
parts, and she sees his. This is established by a number of authentic hadith,
among them:
(a). On the authority of
'Aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "I used to bathe with the Prophet
from a single container of water which was placed between us such that our
hands collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave some
for me, leave some for me!' She added: `We were in a state of Janaba (i.e. the
state of having slept together).'"[Al-Bukharee and Muslim].
(b). On the authority of
Mu'aawiya ibn Haida, who said: "I said: `O Messenger of Allah, which of
our nakedness is allowed, and of which must we beware?' The Prophet answered,
"Guard your nakedness except from your wife or those whom your right hand
possesses." (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch
the body of his or her companion even the private parts). He said: `O Messenger
of Allah, what about if the relatives live together with each other?' The
Prophet answered : "If you can make sure that no one ever sees your
nakedness, then do so." He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what about when
one is alone?' The Prophet said: "Allah is more deserving of your modesty
than are the people"."[Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others:
Saheeh].
10. Making Wudhuu' (ablution) after
Sex and before Sleeping
It is best for husband and wife
not to sleep after having sex until they first perform wudhuu'. There are
various hadith about this, among them:
• First: On the authority of 'Aa'shah
who said: "Whenever the Prophet wished to sleep or eat while in a state of
Janaba (i.e. after having sex and before bathing), he would wash his private
parts and perform wudhuu' as for prayer." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].
• Second: On the authority of Ibn
'Umar who said: "O Messenger of Allah, should we go to sleep in a state of
janaba?" The Prophet answered: "Yes, after making wudhuu."
[Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version: "Perform wudhuu' and wash
your private parts, and then sleep." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. And, in
another version: "Yes, you can perform wudhuu', sleep, and bathe whenever
you want." [Muslim and al-Baihaqi]. And, in still another version:
"Yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." (This last version proves
that this wudhuu' is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzima and Ibn Hibban: Saheeh].
• Third: On the authority of
'Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet said: "There are three which the angels
will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears perfume of
women; and, one who has had sex until he performs wudhuu'." [Abu Dawood,
Ahmad and others: Hasan].
11. The Ruling of this Wudhuu' (ablution)
This wudhuu' (ablution) is not
obligatory, but is very highly and definitely commendable. This (i.e. its not
being obligatory) is based on the hadith narrated by 'Umar in which he asked
the Prophet: "Should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" To which
the Prophet answered: "Yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." [Ibn
Hibbaan: Saheeh]. This is also supported by other hadith, among them a hadith
narrated by 'Aa'ishah who said: "The Prophet used to sleep in a state of
janaba without having touched water, until he would get up later and
bathe." [Ibn Abi Shaiba, at-Tirmidhee, Abu Daawood and others: Saheeh].
In another version narrated by
'Aa'ishah , she said: ""He used to spend the night in a state of
janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make the adhaan. Then, he would get
up, bathe while I looked at the water dripping from his head, and go out. Then,
I would hear his voice in the Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting."
Mutarrif said: "I said to Aamir: In the month of Ramadhaan?" He said:
"Yes, in Ramadhaan and in other than Ramadhaan." [Ibn Abi Shaiba,
Ahmad and others: Saheeh].
12. Making Tayammum (dry
ablution)in a state of Janaba instead of Wudhuu' (ablution)
It is also permissible to make
Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhuu' before sleeping. This is based on a
hadith of 'Aa'ishah in which she said: "When the Prophet was in a state of
janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make wudhuu' or Tayammum."
[Al-Baihaqi: Hasan]
13. Bathing before Sleeping is
Preferable
Bathing however, is preferable to
any of the above-mentioned possibilities as is clear in the hadith of `Abullaah
ibn Qais who said: "I asked 'Ai'ishah : "What did the Prophet do when
in a state of janaba? Did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before
bathing?" She answered: "He did all of those things. Sometimes he
bathe and then slept. And sometimes he performed wudhuu' and then slept."
I said: "Praise be to Allah who made things flexible."[Muslim, Ahmad
and Abu `Auwaana].
14. The Prohibition of sex when
She is Menstruating
It is forbidden for a Muslim man
to have sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating. This is
clear in the following verse of the Qur'an:
"They ask thee concerning
women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from
women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are
clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in
any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves
those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure
and clean."
[Al-Baqarah, 2:222]
There are also hadith about this,
among them:
• First: "Whoever has sexual
intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a woman in her anus, or approaches a
soothsayer and believes what he is told has disbelieved in that which was
revealed to Muhammad."
• Second: On the authority of
Anas ibn Malik, who said: "When one of their women has their period, the
Jews used to put her out of the house, and they would not eat, drink, or sleep
with her in the house. The Prophet was asked about this, and Allah revealed the
verse:
"They ask thee concerning
women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women
in their courses, ...
Then the Prophet said: "Be
with them in the house, and do everything except for intercourse itself."
The Jews said: "This man wants to leave nothing which we do without doing
something different." Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: "O Messenger of
Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, should we not then have sexual
intercourse during menstruation?" The Prophet's face changed such that
they thought that he was enraged with them, so they left. As they were coming
out, they saw a gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet then
sent someone after them to give them a drink of milk, so they felt that he was
not actually angry with them." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Abu Daawood].
15. The Penitence of One who Has
Sex during Menses
Whoever is overcome by desire and
has sexual intercourse with his wife when she is menstruating and before she
becomes clean must give the value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25
grams (4.2315 to be more precise), or half that amount. This is based on a
hadith narrated by 'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the Prophet in relation to one
who enters his wife while she is on her period as follows: "Let him give
one dinar in charity, or one half dinar." [At-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood,
At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh].
16. What is Permissible when She
is on her Periods
It is allowed for him to enjoy
pleasure with his wife in any way except for her private parts when she is on
her period. There are several hadiths about this:
First: "and do everything
except intercourse itself." [Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Aboo Daawood]
Second: On the authority of
'Aa'ishah who said: "When we were on our periods, the Prophet used to
order us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can then lie with her."
One time she said: "... her husband can then fondle and caress her."
[al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].
Third: On the authority of one of
the wives of the Prophet who said: "When the Prophet wanted something from
one of his wives who was on her period, he put a cloth over her private parts,
and then did whatever he wanted." [Abo Daawood: Saheeh]
17. When is
it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?
When she becomes clean of any
menstrual blood, and the flow stops completely, it is allowed for them to
resume sexual activity after she washes the place where the blood had been, or
performs wudhuu', or takes a complete bath. Whichever of these three
alternatives she does makes it allowed for them to resume sexual activity,
based on Allah's statement in the Qur'an:
"But when they have purified
themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained
for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He
loves those who keep themselves pure and clean." [Al-Baqarah 2:222]
This is the position of Ibn Hazm,
'Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa'ee and Daawud az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm
says: "All three of these are a purification - so whichever of them she
uses after the cessation of her periods, then she is lawful for her husband." The
same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Aayah revealed
concerning the people of Qubaah "In it are men who love to be purified;
and Allah loves those who make themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108].
There is nothing here in the
Aayah however, or in the Sunnah, to restrict the Aayah in question to any of
the three meanings - and to do so requires a further proof.
18. The Lawfulness of Coitus
Interruptus
(Withdrawal of the penis from the
vagina at the time of ejaculation with the purpose of avoiding impregnation.
This can be done only with the permission of one's wife).
It is allowed for a Muslim man to
practice coitus interruptus with his wife. There are several hadith about this:
First: On the authority of Jaabir
who said: "We were practising coitus interruptus, and the Qur'an was being
revealed." [al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. In another version, he said:
"We used to practice coitus interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet.
This reached the Prophet, and he did not prohibit us from doing it."
[Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee and at-Tirmidhee].
Second: On the authority of Abu
Sa'eed al-Khudhriy, who said: "A man came to the Prophet and said: "I
have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I practice coitus interruptus
with her. I want that which men want, but the Jews claim that coitus
interruptus is minor infanticide." The Prophet said: "The Jews have
lied, the Jews have lied. If Allah wished to create a child, you would not be
able to prevent it." [An-Naasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah: Abu Dawood and others:
Saheeh].
Third: On the authority of
Jaabir, a man came to the Prophet and said: "I have a slave girl who
serves us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to her, but I dislike that
she should become pregnant by me". The Prophet said: "use coitus
interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her will
come." After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said:
"She has become pregnant!" The Prophettold him: "I told you that
whatever has been ordained for her will come." [Muslim, Abu Dawood and
others].
19. It is Preferable not to
Practice Coitus Interruptus.
Not practicing coitus interruptus
is preferable for a number of reasons:
First: It is harmful for the
woman, since it reduces her pleasure by cutting it short. If she agrees to it,
it still contains the following negative points.
Second: It negates part of the
purpose of marriage which is enlarging the Muslim nation through offspring, as
in the statement of the Prophet: "Marry the loving and fertile, for I will
compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers." [Abu
Dawood, an-Nasaa'ee and others: Saheeh]. This is why the Prophet once referred
to it as "minor infanticide" (and not because it is forbidden as
infanticide is forbidden) when asked about it saying: "That is minor
infanticide". [Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi]. For this was preferable in
the hadith narrated by Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy saying: "Coitus Interruptus
was mentioned in the presence of the Prophet and he said: "Why would one
of you do that? (note he did not say "let none of you do that") Allah
is the Creator of every single soul." [Muslim]. In another version, he
said: "You act and you act. There are no people destined to be from now
until the day of Qiyama but that all of them will be." [Muslim]
20. What the two Spouses should
Intend with their Marriage
Both spouses should enter into
marriage with the following intentions: freeing themselves of unfulfilled
sexual desires, and protecting themselves from falling into that which Allah
has forbidden (i.e. adultery and fornication). What's more, a reward as the
reward for sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time
they have sex. This is based on the following hadith of the Prophet narrated by
Abu Dharr: "Some of the companions of the Prophet said to him: 'O
Messenger of Allah, the affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the
hereafter)! They pray as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity
from the surplus of their wealth!" The Prophet said: "Did Allah not
make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily for every time you say
Subhannallah (Exalted is Allah) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say
Allahuakbar (Allah is Most Great) there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say
Al-Hamdulillah (Praise is to Allah) there is sadaqa, and in every act of
enjoining what is right there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is
wrong there is a sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa."
The Companions said: "O Messenger of Allah , is there a reward for one of
us when he satisfies his sexual desire?" The Prophet said: "Don't you
see, if he had satisfied it with the forbidden, would there not have been a sin
upon him?" They said: "Why, yes! He said: "In the same way, when
he satisfies it with that which is lawful, there is for him in that a
reward." [Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah, and Ahamd].
21. What he should do the Morning
After His Wedding Night
It is desirable for the husband
to go to his relatives who came to visit him in his house, on the following
morning, to give them greetings and pray for them. It is also desirable for
them to do likewise for him, as in the following hadith narrated by Anas :
"The Messenger of Allah gave a feast on the morning of his wedding night
with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims to satisfaction on bread and meat.
Then, he went out to the Mothers of the Believers (i.e. to his other wives), gave
them greetings and prayed for them, which they returned in kind. This is the
way he used to do on the morning after a wedding night." [Ibn Sa'd and
an-Nasaa'ee: Saheeh].
22. The House must have a Place
for Bathing
The married couple must have a
place to bathe in their house, and the husband must not allow his wife to go to
the public bath houses. This is forbidden, and there are various hadith about
it, among them:
First: On the authority of Jaabir
who said: "The Prophet said: "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last
Day, let him not allow his wife to go to the Public baths. Whoever believes in
Allah and the Last Day, let him not go to the baths except with a waist-cloth.
And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him never sit at a table at
which intoxicants are being circulated." [Al-Haakim, at-Tirmidhee and
others: Saheeh]
Second: On the authority of Umm
ad-Dardaa' who said: "I came out of the public bath and I met Allaah's
Messenger who said to me: 'From where have you come O Umm Dardaa'?' I said:
'From the baths'. Then he said: "By the One in whose hand is my soul,
every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of one of her
mothers has torn down all that veils her before ar-Rahman." [Ahmad :
Saheeh]
Third: On the authority of Abu
al-Maleeh who said: "Some women from Ash-Shaam entered upon 'Aa'ishah and
said: "Where are you from?" The women answered: "We are of the
people of Ash-Shaam (the area of present-day Syria)." 'Aa'ishah said:
"Are you perhaps from that district which allows its women to enter the
public baths?" The said: "Yes". She said: "As for me, I
heard the Messenger of Allaah say: "Every woman who removes her clothes
other than in her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself and
Allaah." [at-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]
23. The
Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the
husband or the wife to spread any of the secrets of their bedroom to anyone
outside. The following two hadith are about this:
First: "Verily among the
worst people before Allaah on the Day of Judgement is a man who approaches his
wife sexually and she responds and then he spreads her secrets." [Muslim,
Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others].
Second: "On the authority of
Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was once in the presence of the
Prophet and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophet then said:
"Perhaps a man might discuss what he does with his wife, or perhaps a
woman might inform someone what she did with her husband?" The people were
silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O Messenger of Allaah verily both the women
and men do that." Then the Prophet said: "Do not do that. It is like
a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has sex with her
while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to supports]
24. The
Obligation of a Wedding Feast
The husband must sponsor a feast
after the consummation of the marriage. This is based on the order of the
Prophet to 'Abur-Rahman ibn 'Auf to do so, and on the hadith narrated by
Buraida ibn At-Haseeb, who said: "When 'Ali sought the hand of Faatimah
(the Prophet's daughter) in marraige, he said that the Prophet said: "A
wedding (and in another version "a bridegroom") must have a
feast." The narrator said: "Sa'ad said: '(a feast) of a sheep.'
Someone else said: 'Of such and such a quantity of corn." [Ahmad and
at-Tabaraani: Its isnaad is acceptable as al-Haafiz Ibn Hajr says in
Fathul-Baaree: 9/188]
25. The Sunnah of the Wedding
Feast
The following should be observed
with regard to the wedding banquet:
First: It should be held ('aqb -
Fathul Baaree: 9/242-244) three days after the first wedding night, since this
is the tradition of the Prophet which has reached us. On the authority of Anas
who said: "The Prophet entered upon his wife and sent me to invite some
men for food." [al-Bukhaaree and al-Baihaqi]. Also on the authority of
Anas, he said: "The Prophet married Safiya, and her freedom was her dowry.
He gave the feast for three days." [Abu Ya'laa and others: Hasan].
Second: One should invite the
righteous to his banquet whether they be rich or poor. The Prophet said:
"Do not be the friend of any except believers, and have only the pious eat
your food." [Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh].
Third: If one is able, he should
have a feast of one or more sheep. Based on the following hadith, Anas said:
"Abdur-Rahmaan came to al-Madeenah, and the Prophet assigned Sa'ad ibn
Ar-Rabee' al-Ansaariy as his brother. Sa'ad took him to his house, called for
food, and they both ate. The Sa'ad said: "O my brother, I am the
wealthiest of the people of al-Madeenah (in another version: "... of the
Ansaar"), so look to half of my property and take it (in another version:
"... and I will divide my garden in half"). Also, I have two wives
(and you, my brother in Allah, have no wife), so look to which of mine pleases
you more, so I can divorce her for you. Then upon the completion of the
prescribed waiting period, you may marry her." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said:
"No, by Allah, may Allah bless you in your family and your property. Show
me the way to the market-place."And so they showed him the way to the
market-place and he went there. He bought and he sold and he made a profit. In
the evening , he came back to the people of his house with some dried milk for
cooking and some ghee. After that some time elapsed, until he appeared one day
with traces of saffron on his garments. The Prophet said to him: "What is
this?" He said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have married a woman among the
Ansaar." The Prophet answered: "What did you give her for her
dowry?" He answered: "The weight of five dirhams in gold." Then,
the Prophet said: "May Allah bless you, give a feast if only with one
sheep." 'Abdur-Rahmaan said: "I have seen myself in such a state that
if I were to lift a stone, I would expect to find some gold or silver under
it." Anas said: "I saw after his death that each of his wives
inherited one hundred thousand Dinars." [Al-Bukhaaree, an-Nasaa'ee and
others].
Also on the authority of Anas he
said: "I never saw the Prophet sponsor such a wedding feast as the one he
gave for Zainab. He slaughtered a sheep and fed everyone meat and bread until
they ate no more." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
26. Wedding Feasts can be give
with Other than Meat
It is allowed to give the wedding
banquet with any food which is available and affordable, even if that does not
include meat. This is based on the following hadith narrated by Anas: "The
Prophet stayed between Khaibar and al-Madeenah for three days during which he
had entered with his wife Safiya . Then I invited the Muslims to his Wedding
feast. There was neither meat nor bread at his feast. Rather, leather eating
mats were brought out and on them were placed dates, dried milk, and clarified
butter. The people ate their fill." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslim and others].
27. Participation of the Wealthy
in the Feast with their Wealth
It is commendable for the wealthy
to help in the preparations for the wedding feast based on the hadith narrated
by Anas about the Prophet's marriage to Safiya: "Then, when we were on the
road, Umm Sulaim prepared her (Safiya) for him (the Prophet and brought her to
him at night, and so the the Prophet awoke the next morning a new bridgegroom.
Then he said: "Whoever has something, let him bring it." (In another
version, he said "Whoever has an excess of provisions, let him bring
it.") Anas continues: "And so the leather eating mats were spread out
and one man would bring dried milk, another dates and another clarified butter
and so they made Hais (hais is a mixture of the above three things). The people
then ate of this hais and drank from pools of rainwater which were nearby, and
that was the wedding feast of the Prophet." [Al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and
others].
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